Day 3: Start a Love Journal

The habits of love include generosity, honesty, patience and equanimity, forgiveness, gratitude, communication, respect, kindness and care - among others. We will focus in on some of these in the next days, and today we will start with kindness, our outward expression of day-to-day love.

You practice kindness with polite language, and other small acts and habits like gracefully waiting your turn, using a friendly tone of voice, offering help, giving a compliment, or a simple smile. I'm not going to bore you with a list of random acts of kindness - you know the drill. 

When we are at our best, we extend kindness to friends and family, co-workers, neighbors, strangers and service workers, and we also extend kindness to animals, plants, and to the Earth. We begin to learn to be kind when we are small, so we should be experts, but we still manage to be rude and hurtful  sometimes, maybe unintentionally, and if not out loud, at least in our thoughts. 

What is your growing edge?

My own growing edge is to remember to be kind in the face of the meanness of others; to "counter the barrage of contempt and disrespect in the world by bringing forth a kinder, gentler presence," as Marvin Thomas says in "Personal Village". I practice by using kind words in my inner dialogue (“She has a generous heart” rather than “What an idiot.”).

And growing in any of the habits of love requires some introspection: The work of the next month will mainly be done as an inner dialogue, so for this next 4-weeks I hope you will keep a Love Journal. Or you could do this all in your head, but keeping a separate Love Journal will help you to see habits and patterns in relationships, and realize where you need to grow.

Today, open a brand-new notebook (if you want) and label it "Love Journal" or something like that:

• First, review conversations and interactions you had yesterday, and your general frame of mind with the world.

• Next, think about the people you will see today, and the conversations you may have. Make note of times when you might need to draw on any of the love habits.

• And then answer these queries: 

-What is my growing edge - where do I most need to focus my attention, when it comes to love? 

-With whom could I be kinder, or what kinds of situations most often push me out of kindness? 

-How can I bring mindfulness to the practice of kindness in the ordinary setting of every day?

• Brainstorm some goals for extending kindness to the world in the days or months ahead, and add them to your Month Map or your Inspiration Page. 

• Set an intention to be kind today: Say something like, "I intend to be kind and counteract the fear and contempt I see, because love will heal the world." 

• If you enjoyed it, you can end your Love Challenge each day with a 5-minute Love Meditation; send the "pink light of love" to those you wish to extend kindness to.

I've found that keeping a Love Journal is the thing that most helps me to grow in love and effectiveness. (For example, as I went through this day's exercise, I recalled the one moment yesterday when I lost my cool, and realized the concentric circles of stress I released on others. I set this goal: "When I am feeling belittled or lectured at, breath into my heart, listen, and find the grain of truth.")

Try keeping this journal for at least one month, and repeat for one month every year if you find it useful.