Day 6: Brainstorm Equanimity

Equanimity is another essential love habit - the ability to maintain an even-temper, patience, and grounded-ness in the midst of the chaos of life and the perplexing behavior of others.

Equanimity is an expression of love: It’s the serenity we exhibit when we have to wait, and also the kindness we show to those “difficult people” who don’t listen to reason, who interrupt, who are overly sensitive, or who are so annoying. Equanimity allows us to let go of frustration and irritation, and treat those people with skill and gentleness. It allows us to counter disrespect and contempt with compassion, and to remember that human needs are not always logical, but are always more important than our schedule.

Equanimity is a habit that requires love and self-control; it requires that you cut people slack and allow them to be imperfect; that you relax and let go of time anxiety; and that you acknowledge your impatience and irritation but don't act on them. It's powerful; it opens hearts. People feel liberated when you let them know that you are unruffled and in no hurry. Your patience is a gift to them, and will allow them to heal and grow.

And it's not only useful with in-the-moment situations, but also for grounded-ness in the face of world upheaval and fears about the future. Life is a rainbow of chaos, and equanimity is a super-power that will get you through.

One practice I have used to internalize equanimity, is what I call my "Zen Pause". I practice it when I am calm so that I will be able (perhaps) to use it in times of stress. Stand up right now and try this:

1. Plant your feet firmly on the earth (picture a mountain - be a mountain); name how you are feeling. 

2. Touch your heart, and soften (relax your shoulders, slow your breathing); hold your feelings in love and light. 

3. Touch your head, open your mind, and expand your thinking. Embrace the paradox of chaos and the still center.

Take out your Love Journal:

• First review conversations and interactions you had yesterday, and your general frame of mind with the world.

• Next, think about the people you will see today, and the conversations you may have. Make note of times when you might need to draw on any of the love habits, and equanimity in particular.

• And then answer these queries:

-What are my triggers? What situations or words cause me to be most impatient or ungrounded?

-What is my "normal" response to disrespect or unreasonableness?

-What kinds of habits help me to stay calm and grounded during frustration and irritation?

• Brainstorm a list of people for whom you wish you had greater loving patience and self-control, and specific situations that would improve if you had greater equanimity. Brainstorm some goals for equanimity in the days or months ahead, and add them to your Month Map or your Inspiration Page.

• And end with a 5-minute Love Meditation. Send the "pink light of love" to those you wish to have greater equanimity with.

Note: Equanimity is a lot easier when you are well-rested and well fed. Take care of yourself.

Schedule your next week, Step 2:

• Friday - Block in your schedule for the next week: Add events and blocks of time for your priority categories.