Day 4: Seek Clearness with Others

Seeking clearness is the last step in the discernment process. Clarity - that feeling that you know what you stand for, you are sure of your objectives, you have set the best intentions, and you understand your next move - is liberating and empowering. 

Most of the time we don't wait for clarity; we act on autopilot, or on other's expectations and assurances, or because the situation is urgent. Waiting for clarity seems selfish or exhausting or just impossible.

But being clear in your heart that you are on the right path is a wonderful thing to wait for; it's transformative in itself! When you have gathered all the information, weighed all the possibilities, invited a leading of the spirit or Inner Guide, and you think you know what you are being led to do, it's time to test your leading with other people.

Many times, when I have an idea I'm mulling over, I will talk casually about it with my friends, and listen to what they say. I get to process my idea out loud, and I feel clearer. Most of the time that is enough to go on with, but - especially when I'm making big decisions- it has a major flaw: My friends don't know that I'm using them for clarity, so they might just tell me what they think I want to hear, or they might thoughtlessly tell me what their own fears and inhibitions tell them.

The Quakers have a wonderful format called a Clearness Committee, for when an individual (or a family or other group) is facing a particularly difficult situation or has a leading to test. A clearness committee of two or three other people meets with you for one or more sessions, and is tasked with asking questions that will lead you to consider the idea from new angles, and see it in new light.

Today I'd like you to prepare to call yourself a clearness committee of some kind. It can be as formal or casual as you want, and even if you don't think you will follow through, the process of preparing will be useful. (I've also included a model of an invitation letter and formal clearness process below that you can tailor to your needs.)

• Think of two friends you trust, who you could ask to meet with you either in a formal clearness process or an informal chat.

• Write a short essay introducing your project or leading. You might end up using this essay in an invitation letter or as a way to introduce a chat session.

• Make a list of questions you still have. (The questions in step 5 below might give you ideas for what to include.) 

If you come up with a bunch of practical questions that you could research on your own, then do that before you continue. Once you have answered all the questions you can on your own, decide whether you want to continue with a clearness process with others.

• Design your own clearness process, using the model clearness meeting format below as inspiration. For a formal clearness process you can ask one friend to be the facilitator, and one to take notes. If you plan to keep it more of a chat, then you can simplify it down to the bare bones. 

I strongly encourage you to seek clearness with others in some way. Reaching clearness together often means that you and your friends all find unity and insight around your project or leading, and forge a new, ongoing bond of support.

 

Model clearness invitation and process:

Dear friends, I am requesting a meeting to get clarity on (fill in the blank with your essay).

I want to use this process called a clearness meeting, and hope that you are willing to offer me the benefit of your different eyes and ears. A clearness committee does not offer counseling or advice: You will listen deeply, pinpoint the things I haven't considered, then ask open-ended questions that will hopefully unlock doors and let in new light. I do not need advice or solutions yet, but only clarity. This process can be very personal for all of us, so everything shared will be kept confidential.

I hope that one of you will facilitate the process and one will take notes for me. This is how we will proceed:

1. Begin in silence, opening your hearts to the Spirit of Love. 

2. The speaker shares the topic on which clearness is sought. Listeners listen deeply to the words and the Truth within.

3. The listeners ask gentle, clarifying questions so they understand the topic, and speaker answers.

4. The facilitator sums up and reflects back what has been heard, and then, in silence, everyone holds the speaker and the situation in Love. 

5. The listeners ask open ended questions, and may also make thoughtful observations, but do not offer suggestions or solutions. For example, you might ask me how I arrived at my leading, how do my values effect my leading, how it fits into my life, in what ways am I already clear, what I see the pros and cons to be, if I am prepared, have I considered the practicalities, what kind of support I might need, and so on.Each question or observation is followed by some silence, and then the speaker may respond. One listener makes note of the questions and observations offered.

6. At the end of the time allotted, we will sum up the meeting together and hold each other in Love, in silence, again.