Day 2: Know Yourself

Understanding your unique temperament and personality style will help you to have appropriate expectations for yourself. Knowing yourself well makes your experience of life richer, larger, and more exciting. It allows you to make better decisions, express what you need and want in life, and understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones.

Today you will make an informal analysis of your temperament and personality characteristics. You were born with some of these characteristics, and some you developed at a young age. Remember as you examine these that they are not innately good or bad, even though it might seem like it. The language is a problem sometimes - we might all want to be labeled "conscientious" but some of us are just more spontaneous and easy-going, and I'm so glad we are all different!

If some of your particular characteristics are troublesome, it's because you haven't yet figured out how to administer them well, or mesh them with other personalities. Today you will gather the data without judgement. Tomorrow you will use this list to make a plan for building on your strengths and moderating your weakness, so make particular note of any insights you have today.

Get out your (old) Journal Notebook and investigate your unique preferences and style of behavior in any way that seems best - you can write descriptions, rate these on a spectrum of one to ten, or just note which are particularly high or low for you:

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  Activity level: Are you a high-energy, on-the-go person, or are you more likely to move slowly and engage in quieter, calmer activities?

• Bio-rhythms: Do you like to stick to a predictable routine, or are your rhythms more  irregular, so that you enjoy a varied schedule?

• Sensitivity: Do you react strongly to noise, light, certain touch stimuli, smells, or tastes, or are you pretty non-reactive?

• Adaptability: Are you slow or quick to adjust to changes? Can you easily switch from one activity or location to another, or do you need time to feel comfortable with transitions and new situations?

• Intensity: Do you react strongly or mildly to good and bad situations? For example, do you smile when you receive good news, or talk loudly and jump up and down? Are you steady, responsive, or intense? 

• Persistence: Do you have a stick-to-it attitude, even when you run into roadblocks, or are you more likely to move on to something else?

• Distractibility: Are you easily distracted by ambient noise or activity in the background, or is it easy for you to block out outside stimuli?

• Mood: Are you generally a happy and bubbly person, with cheery and upbeat interactions with people, or are you calm and subdued, so that you might sometimes appear sad or withdrawn?

• Approachability: Do you love traveling and meeting new people, or are you a bit of a homebody?

• Extraversion: Do you enjoy conversation, and socializing, find it easy to make new friends, and feel energized by being with people? Or do you enjoy solitude, feel reserved around new people, and feel drained by too much social time?

• Openness: Are you adventurous and open to trying new things? Do you like tackling challenges?  Or are you pretty down to earth, and slow to accept new ideas?

• Conscientiousness: Are you well-organized and mindful of details? Do you like to be prepared, and finish your responsibilities on time? Or do you enjoy spontaneity, dislike schedules, rules, and structure, and often procrastinate?

• Agreeableness: Are you tactful, good-natured, forgiving, helpful, and a cooperative team partner? Or are you honest (sometimes blunt), quick to assert your own needs, and sometimes impatient with needy people?

• Neuroticism: Are you often anxious, sad and moody? Are you sensitive to social interactions and easily upset, swinging from high to low?  Or are you relaxed and emotionally resilient, and deal well with stress?

Note about personality tools: A style assessment tool like Myers-Briggs or the Enneagram will help you to go deeper. My favorite assessment tool is the Friendly Style Profile personality system. This is an inventory of your personality strengths and excesses. The categories are easier to learn than some profile systems, but flexible enough to be inclusive of every unique individual.

When I learned this system it changed my life, because I finally gained clarity about why I get into repeated conflicts in certain similar situations, how my behaviors provoke certain people, and also what my strengths and preferences are. It helped me to understand the complexity of a personality, the underlying logic of my responses to situations, and ultimately helped me to tone down my most troublesome responses and behaviors. 

Personality tools give you a new perspective and self-awareness, but remember that they are all generalizations and do not define you.