Day 5: Practice Virtue Habits

You've got a preliminary plan now to cultivate and manage your character strengths - how to proceed? We will take it slowly and systematically, like we have from the start. 

Last week when we talked about nurturing the four parts of yourself, I mentioned that one part of renewing your spirit is to practice virtue habits. Virtue is an old-fashioned word that I have embraced, because it makes me feel noble! Virtue is ethical behavior; it encompasses a wide array of nice habits and behaviors that you can try to build, and which will help you to act with love, and will also renew your soul.

A couple of years ago I ran across Ben Franklin's system to develop his character (and get his ducks in a row). In 1726, at the age of 20, Ben devised a small chart that he carried with himself, to record his behavior day-to-day, in 13 areas - his 13 virtues - which included temperance, silence, moderation, and chastity. (If you do a Google search you will see that MANY people are interested in Ben's system! You can buy journals and download charts if you want.)

What I found most interesting about Ben's chart is that he asked his friends for ideas about what virtues he needed to work on, and most of them were habits of moderation- he was apparently a man with large appetites! I used this system for one whole year, and found it very useful. I of course collected my own set of virtues to work on, and added them one habit at a time.

Today, if you think it will be useful, you can make your own virtue chart with your very first virtue habit, or two. Or if a chart isn't your style, I’ve made some other suggestions below. In either case, you can start with any of the specific habits or ideas from your self-cultivation plan, or you can choose something easier. Think of this as plotting the map of your love habits.

Take out your journal and your self-cultivation plan.

• Brainstorm a list of all the virtue habits you would like to practice sometime as part of your self-cultivation plan. For a list of suggestions see my Virtues Page. (Tab is on the top bar.)

• Next choose one or two virtue habits to work at now that will help you to act in love.

• Next, write a definition that speaks to you. Try to keep the definition positive and specific so it's a helpful reminder of the good habit you want to develop. I have enjoyed reading Ben Franklin's definitions, then coming up with my own. Here are two samples, Ben's at the top, and mine below:

1. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversations.

Be humble and don't preach. Think before speaking, and avoid gossip. Listen to understand. Use "You could be right" when I disagree.

2. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

(Equanimity) Have the strength to stay calm, independent of my impulses; not excited or impatient with people or problems, or obsessed with any thought.

• (Optional) Make a chart. Use lined notebook paper, or a spreadsheet on your computer, or a white board, or, if you want to carry it in your pocket like Ben Franklin, make it on a small piece of cardstock. List the days of the week across the top, and your first habits and definitions on the left.

I know that not everyone likes or is motivated by a star chart! Even if you just make it to look at, this little chart will still be a useful reminder of the virtue habits you are trying to build.

• Each morning, think back on the day before and evaluate yourself. (Ben used a dot to indicate success. I use a star. Also, I use a frowny-face when I know I blew it.) I don't spend a lot of time on this - it's easy to think back and say, "Oh yeah. I said that mean thing. (😞) But I was pretty calm all day! (⭐)"

• Another option is to use your Love Journal (remember your Love Journal?) to track your Virtue Practices. Or use any of the other methods you use to remember your intentions - use sticky notes, or a mantra, or set alarms.

I suggest adding a new virtue habit every week or two, or rotating through different habits to keep it fresh and interesting.