Day 4: Manage your Excesses

Let's talk some more about managing your strengths. Every human strength has a point at which it becomes excessive, and then it is no longer useful and can even be hurtful. Because excess is the exaggeration of a strength you have, you will never completely get rid of it, but you can moderate and manage it, and learn to be comfortable with the times you slip into excess.

For example, I am analytical and can see quickly in my mind how any plan will play out. I'm a good judge of the pros and cons, and can often give good advice. But this kind of analysis is simply not appropriate or useful all of the time, and, pared up with my strong need for truth-telling, it can be a big problem. When I use my analysis to shoot down ideas, or silence dreamers, I've gone into excess.

I've become a pretty good manager of this strength, but it took me way too long to even realize that I had a problem. I've learned to bite my tongue (some of the time) and say, "You could be right"; I've learned to take the time to listen to understand, encourage brainstorming, and ask before offering my advice. Because I'm aware now of this particular habit I have, I can and do apologize when I go into excess and think I might have hurt someone's feelings.

Take out your journal and look at the list of strengths you made yesterday.

• Write about times you have used your strengths to excess. Brainstorm the kinds of situations that frequently push you into excess.

Some examples:

Love to gather all the data before taking action - become indecisive and paralyzed by indecision.

Responsible and always on time - preoccupied with time constraints regardless of other's needs.

Not afraid of risks and challenges - become ruthless; risk all for an opportunity to succeed.

Enthusiastic source of creative ideas - unnecessary innovation to avoid boredom.

Conscientious; take the time to do things right - never satisfied, obsessively perfectionistic.

Willing to bravely defend principles - unable to see the middle ground; stubborn and inflexible.

Can see all points of view; adapts to maintain harmony - lose track of personal preferences.

Fun-loving, flexible and spontaneous - wishy-washy, ambivalent, unreliable.

• Choose one habit of excess that brings you pain, and plot how you could manage it. List specific actions you can take or words you can say to catch yourself before you step into the deep end.

• Add this one new management habit to your self-cultivation plan.